Life can be hard, no it is hard. But When you put your faith and trust in the lord things can and will be alright, and you can do what ever it is that you have been tested with. Trials are a daily part of any life, and the harder your trials the more you have the opportunity to show who you really are, and what you are truly capable of doing. God does not give us trials and then leave us alone to deal with them on our own, but if we do not ask for his help he will not assist us.
You hear about things on the news. Assaults, people getting hurt by others, but you never think that it will happen to you until it does.
I have come to hate a single word in the English language. I hate it more than any other word when it leaves my mouth it feels dirty, it makes me feel sick from my very soul out. That word is Rape.
It is hard for me to even write it let alone talk about it. But I must. I have to or I will never be able to live a normal life again.
The end of July I turned 22. It was a fun time a very fun time. I was at a family reunion, I had plans for the next year, My whole life was looking so good, and then a few mistakes, a few moments of not being safe in every way I know how to be, and every thing changed.
I was Raped, in a parking lot, in the middle of the night, with my four year old in the car fast asleep. Most cases of Rape go unreported, and this was one of them, until I learned that I was pregnant.
Life is hard, and this is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I decided to place the baby with an adoptive family. and things are going well with that. I am excited for the family I picked, and I know that she is going to a good family who will love her in a way that I never will be able to.
Unfortunately I have to go and cry now so I will leave it at that for now.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
life of ups and downs
Some times life can be hard. sometimes it is easy, and sometimes you just don't really care that much. I am going through one of those I just don't really care times. life has been a bit crazy, and I wih it was better, but I am working on it.
I recntly realized that I have been quite depressed for about 3 years. and that I need some help. This all came to me as I was standing in front of the doughnut section of my local grocery store doing math in my head when I started balling uncontrollably for no reason what so ever.
So I went to my Doctor, and got on some meds, and I set up an appointment to see a therapist. which is a step in the correct direction. I also am taking a leave of absence from my job to get my emotions strait as I wasn't really able to do my job how I was feeling.
So I have not been at work for about a week and a few days. I have been adjusting to my medication, and things are starting to look a bit cheerer. Today I woke up at 7:45 am, and I fed my son breakfast. The first time I have done it myself in....over a year. Then I took a shower, and did ALL the laundry. Which was exciting as I haven't really done a lot of laundry for a very long time. Most of the time I just do one load to get clean underware socks and a few shirts to get me until I have my next week end.
on top of ALL of the laundry I did, I cleaned my bathroom, cleaned my son's room, pulled his bedding off his bed washed it, and made his bed for him, and spent a few hours playing with my boy. All in all one of the better days I have had in a VERY long time. Even though I am miserable as I am having a Major allergy attack. Still a very good day all in all I was very motivated and I hope that I can keep that motivation tomorrow, and in the days that are to come.
Now on to important things. My little brother, who I lovingly call Munchkin, even though he is almost 6 feet tall, is going on a mission for our church on about 2 weeks, and I am missing him already. He will be in the Northern part of Brazil for 2 years, and I know that the time will seem to go by fast, but I can't help but wonder what my life will look like when he gets back.
I hope that it is in better shape than it has been the past few years that I have been living back at home with him, and my parents. But hope, and faith are all I really have at the moment, and I pray that it will be enough to get me to the end.
Also my sister Kate is moving home, and I am excited about that. She is a VERY awesome sister who I love a great deal.
My eyes and legs just started twitching so that is my cue to exit stage right to my very comfortable looking bed with its clean sheets and pillow cases. :)
I recntly realized that I have been quite depressed for about 3 years. and that I need some help. This all came to me as I was standing in front of the doughnut section of my local grocery store doing math in my head when I started balling uncontrollably for no reason what so ever.
So I went to my Doctor, and got on some meds, and I set up an appointment to see a therapist. which is a step in the correct direction. I also am taking a leave of absence from my job to get my emotions strait as I wasn't really able to do my job how I was feeling.
So I have not been at work for about a week and a few days. I have been adjusting to my medication, and things are starting to look a bit cheerer. Today I woke up at 7:45 am, and I fed my son breakfast. The first time I have done it myself in....over a year. Then I took a shower, and did ALL the laundry. Which was exciting as I haven't really done a lot of laundry for a very long time. Most of the time I just do one load to get clean underware socks and a few shirts to get me until I have my next week end.
on top of ALL of the laundry I did, I cleaned my bathroom, cleaned my son's room, pulled his bedding off his bed washed it, and made his bed for him, and spent a few hours playing with my boy. All in all one of the better days I have had in a VERY long time. Even though I am miserable as I am having a Major allergy attack. Still a very good day all in all I was very motivated and I hope that I can keep that motivation tomorrow, and in the days that are to come.
Now on to important things. My little brother, who I lovingly call Munchkin, even though he is almost 6 feet tall, is going on a mission for our church on about 2 weeks, and I am missing him already. He will be in the Northern part of Brazil for 2 years, and I know that the time will seem to go by fast, but I can't help but wonder what my life will look like when he gets back.
I hope that it is in better shape than it has been the past few years that I have been living back at home with him, and my parents. But hope, and faith are all I really have at the moment, and I pray that it will be enough to get me to the end.
Also my sister Kate is moving home, and I am excited about that. She is a VERY awesome sister who I love a great deal.
My eyes and legs just started twitching so that is my cue to exit stage right to my very comfortable looking bed with its clean sheets and pillow cases. :)
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